izzy

Taken aback by her sudden mood change, he jogged up beside her and tried to get a clearer look at her face, hoping to ask what was wrong but before his chance she cut him off and continued speed walking. Gaspard hurried up to her again and this time placed a gentle hand on her bony jacket-covered shoulder, which made her pause as if someone had pushed an off button on her back. “Hey, calm down,” He spoke in his usual soft as clouds manor. “I didn’t mean to be personal.”
She huffed angrily but it only came off to Gaspard as weirdly and strikingly adorable. “You wouldn’t understand.”
He chuckled lightly. “Then just tell me and I will, Miss Minxie.”
“It’s Xavier.”
The words had slipped out so easily and quickly that Gaspard wasn’t sure if his mind had imagined what the girl in the leather jacket and jeans had just said or if it was real. She smiled bashfully, almost sadly. “I lie to everyone else back there.” She was whispering now even though they were completely and utterly alone. “But there’s just something about you that I can’t do it. You’re just too fucking… nice. I’m sorry.”
Her hands yanked off the beanie and the cropped mess returned to vision in the soft orange glow of the corner streetlight. But Gaspard now saw another performer in his eyes, completely different than before.
“I- Well- My name is Xavier de Rosnay and –“ the voice cracked with a watery chuckle. “Oops, I’m a man.”
Gaspard’s face went slack for a moment and he felt a warm blush rise onto his cheeks. “Y-you’re a male?” He felt his head spin for a second.
Xavier gave him a small smile and nodded, head bent ashamedly. “Pedro knows.” He sniffed but his eyes remained dry. “I have no clue how I ended up as an exotic dancer but… here I am. A man in a woman’s profession. Again- I’m so fucking sorry you had to find out this way.”
Gaspard’s mind flurried with thoughts, each one more disturbed and confused than the last. In the dark his face turned from embarrassment to humor to astonishment and all over again as he digested the fact that he had a huge crush on a boy for the longest time but without a single clue.
He winced at himself, lost in the moment in between his thoughts and feelings, which were playing a game of extreme Tug-of-War.
“Say something, please.”
The pleading words shook Gaspard from his trance couldn’t find the right words to say, not at that moment at least. He was a thinker by choice, always evaluating the situation around himself in moments like these instead of jumping into accusations. He opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, like a fish out of water. When he finally did speak it came out in a jumbled rush as several emotions took control.

“It’s funny.” His voice was slightly horse. “Because I too know how it feels to have no idea how I ended up at my job as a bartender. I mean- I do, I asked for the job- but I just don’t know how I became so controlled by it. Min- Xavier, I don’t care that you’re a man. That’s pretty much all I have to say because we all do shit that we’re not proud of and if you want to dance so be it. And for god’s sakes I have no issues with men but…” his voice trailed off and he tried to look into Xavier’s miserable doe eyes the best that he could in the dark. Everything had gotten so serious and complicated all of a sudden and he didn’t like it like this. “I just, well, really like you and this is just a little bit of a shock to me.”
Xavier looked up instantly, his face as bright as a lit candle. He yanked on his hand and Gaspard followed aimlessly, not even bothering to question him when the tiny young man drug him behind an alley to a spot under a buzzing streetlight, pressing their bodies against the gritty brick wall. They could see each other’s faces now and they both blushed at the absurdness of it all; finding themselves even more attracted to each other in the weirdest situation possible.
But even with the minor physical differences it was an eerie notion of like looking at your twin.