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[personal profile] xstarlesscity
hungers for what i love
joel/sonny, r, ~2300 wds
summary: bdsm! boys in girls' clothes! public humiliation! these aren't warning as much as advertisements, really, and you and i both know it.
a/n: written for [livejournal.com profile] morae's birthday because she is constantly inspirational and very very talented~



“Hey, goblin,” Joel says, poking Sonny with his toe and dragging his attention away from his laptop. Sonny takes his hands off the keyboard immediately like he’s supposed to, full attention on Joel, looking up at him. “Wanna go out?”

Sonny uncrosses his legs, stretching one out past his laptop and stretching out onto his back with his hands on his chest. He’s naked. “For lunch?” Sonny asks, and Joel shrugs.

“If you want. The mall.”

Sonny reaches up and touches Joel’s knee, fingers curling against his jeans. “Whatever you want, sir,” he says, and Joel smiles for a second, then crouches down to the ground to kiss him. Sonny sits up a little, reveling in it. Then Joel pets his hair and stands up again.

“Go get dressed,” he says, backing away and picking up his coat from where he left it on the kitchen chair.

Sonny does. He crawls over to Joel when he’s back on the ground floor of Joel’s apartment and Joel takes his collar off while Sonny stares at his knees, then drags him up to his feet by the collar of his shirt and kisses him again.

“Thank you, sir,” Sonny mumbles to Joel’s toes, smiling.

+++

Sonny feels a tug at his jeans and when he turns back, Joel’s stopped walking in the middle of the walkways in the mall and has a finger hooked into Sonny’s belt loop. Sonny stops walking and turns around.

“Alright,” Joel says, fumbling in his pocket. “You’re going to go in and pick out six pairs you like.” He takes his cigarettes out of his pocket, getting them out of the way, and pulls a camera out. He pulls the front pocket of Sonny’s jeans open and slips it in and Sonny thinks oh and Joel says, “And then you’re gonna go to the dressing room and try them on. You’re going to take two pictures yourself in each pair, a front and a back shot of your hips, and you’re not allowed to delete any pictures you take. If I see any other clothes in any of the shots, you’ll be punished. Clear so far?”

Sonny nods numbly, blood rushing in his ears. His face is already hot and his cock is swelling and he hasn’t even stepped into the store. He stares blankly Joel, waiting for the rest. Joel is just standing there with his hands in his coat pocket, casually looking between Sonny, the ground and the Victoria’s Secret they’re standing in front of as he talks. Sonny is swooning a little bit. He also wants to throw up a little bit.

“If you are such a slut that you start dripping a little bit from being forced to try clothes on when I’m not even in the store, you’re gonna buy any pairs you make a mess on right away. Otherwise, you’re gonna come back out and I’m gonna pick three pairs I like on you and you’re gonna go back and buy them. If I don’t like at least three of the pairs you picked, I’m gonna send you back to find better ones. Understand?”

Sonny nods numbly. If there was any possibility he wasn’t going to be rock hard going in there, the ‘slutty’ comment threw it out the window. Sonny’s already mostly hard and he hasn’t even walked in yet, let alone tried anything on.

“Then what are you standing here for, slut?” Joel says, softly, looking Sonny up and down like he’s a stain Joel just found on his favorite jeans.

“Sorry, sir,” Sonny mumbles, and turns away to start walking towards the store. Did anyone hear that? Does anyone care? His jeans trap his dick sideways, at least, although they’re tight enough that anyone who looks for longer than a second will have a pretty clear picture of what’s going on.

Crossing the threshold into the store makes Sonny feel like he’s fallen into another universe. Right now it’s hard to imagine what anyone else is thinking, to think of those clerks walking around as real people with real lives and thoughts and not just props for Joel’s little fantasy. He feels hot all over.

He tugs his hair into his face, hoping they’ll mistake him for a boxy, ugly girl and not the pervert he is.

The color choices are overwhelming- it takes him a minute to figure out that everything’s divided up by cut and style and then by size. He goes for boy shorts first because it seems more comfortable and finds two smalls, a soft pink pair with a subtle lace trim and a plain black pair with three tiny blue hearts that crawl up the hipbone.

No-one offers him assistance, thank God. His hands are shaking a little. He glances up at the doorway and catches Joel watching him.

He ducks his head and finds another section- he’s worried Joel won’t think the boy shorts are slutty enough and make him go back, so he makes himself shuffle over to the low-rise bikini section and stares at all the violent neons that make up this season’s collection. He picks a hard green, the color of the lazers at shows, with black polka dots and a bow at the back at the top of the ass. He bites his lip- these ones are too small. He’s not exactly hung, not by a long shot, but there’s nowhere to put anything.

The second pair he picks is black and white vertical stripes with two thick strips of black up the hipbones and a thick black waistband. They look… pretty safe. Neutral colors, waistband like boxers, but cut tiny enough that Joel will probably like them.

He only realizes he’s started thinking again when he starts thinking about what Joel wants. As long as he focuses on that and doesn’t make eye contact with humans, he should be safe.

Although thinking about what Joel wants is dangerous, because he knows what Joel wants, really. He knows Joel wants the skimpiest, the girliest, the most humiliating, he knows Joel fixates on his ass like he’s never seen anything like it.

He grabs any two thongs in size small and shuffles over to the dressing room.

“Um, I wanna try these on?” he says to the woman guarding the stalls. His raises his voice, hoping she won’t look too close. She smiles politely and picks her keys up.

“We have a five minute time limit on the changing rooms, please, for quick turnover,” she informs him.

There’s just about no-one else in the store. She’s just not allowed to tell him they have a no jerk-off policy. Sonny wants to cry from shame.

“Oh, I just-“ he blurts awkwardly, and then mumbles, “Kay thanks,” and shuffles into the stall.

He looks at the underwear bunched up in his sweaty little fists and drops them on the tiny bench, his hands hot as he reaches for his belt. He toes out of his velcro sneakers and inhales as he slips the camera from his pocket, setting it down on the bench and stepping out of his jeans. He’s fumbling and even falls back against the wall of the stall.

His face burns. His fingers feel less graceful than usually, thick and short and awkward as he picks up the first pair of underwear, the black ones with the blue waistband and the blue hearts. He steps into them and looks at his cock poking out the top, red and ready. He bites his lip where he used to have a ring and tucks his cock sideways along his hip and picks the camera up.

The photos turn out okay, he thinks- there’s a few that got the angle wrong and doesn’t flatter him exactly, which makes him feel weird, but he’s not allowed to delete them. The problem is when he’s in the green bikinis and he forgets to lift his shirt up for the back shot and when he scrolls back through them he bites his lip with the sudden realization that he’s going to be punished now for the loose, long shirt draping over the swell of his ass, framing it.

His cock throbs. Sonny closes his eyes and takes a second to try to calm down, but all he can see is Joel’s face when he sees the photo, the way he’ll look at Sonny for not doing it right, the smile he’ll get when they get home and Sonny’s kneeling and ready for whatever his punishment will be.

Sonny bites his lip and lifts his shirt and retakes the shot properly.

He’s grateful that Joel gave him instructions on what to do if he makes a mess, because sure enough, he leaves a wet spot on the striped panties right after. When they get home he’s gonna get to his knees and thank Joel for making everything so easy, because when he reaches to take them off and feels a wet spot he has a moment of panic – what does he do? He can’t hand them back to the clerk like this - before he remembers Joel’s instructions and wants to cry from relief.

Thinking is hard. Obeying is easy.

The thongs, dark blue and red, barely cover his balls when he puts them on. His cock stricks out the top obscenely, flushed and wet and dripping in the photos but not onto the panties. His ass looks huge in the pictures. They make him cringe.

He folds all the underwear up except for the striped ones and steps back into his boxer briefs. They feel huge now, but comforting in a weird way. They don’t feel slutty. He pulls his jeans on and makes his way to the counter with his head down. No, he does not want to become a member. No, he does not want to add another two pairs since these ones are at three for fifteen.

He shuffles out the door with the bag and wants to collapse at Joel’s feet to hand him the camera, but doesn’t. Joel’s eyes are on the bag which means he knows Sonny made a mess, he knows how turned on he was, he can see.

“Good boy,” Joel says as he takes the camera, and Sonny wants to cry, or at least bury his face in Joel’s shirt. Joel hates PDA. Sonny’s hands flutter at his thighs, instead, useless.

“Thank you sir, I tried,” he rasps weakly. Joel turns the camera on and flicks through the photos, eyebrows furrowed judgmentally. Sonny really needs to be home now, collared and kissing Joel’s feet and feeling useful at something, God, even if that something was obeying orders and being slutty like he’s good at and suffering till Joel smiles. Joel’s eyebrows rise and Sonny knows he’s looking at the shot with his shirt in it.

“Mm, someone forgot his instructions,” Joel says passively, and Sonny’s face burns up. “I’m s-sorry, sir,” he exhales, looking at his feet. “I’m s-so sorry, I took an-another one-“

“I can see that,” Joel cuts him off. His eyes are still on the camera. “It looks cute though, your shirt all bunched up. I think I’m gonna dress you like that for a real photoshoot at home.” He clicks to the next picture. “It looks really, cute, actually. Maybe you won’t be punished.”

Sonny looks at Joel’s belt, quiet for a second and Joel goes to the next shot. Then he says, softly, “But I fucked it up, sir.”

He can feel Joel’s eyes on his face without looking. He glances up and Joel’s grinning, amused, nothing mean about it for once. He just thinks it’s funny. Sonny’s blush feels like it manages to deepen still.

“You asking for a punishment, slut?” he says quietly. Sonny burns everywhere. He can feel his chest growing hot. Joel laughs and reaches out to pet his hair fondly, and Sonny actually manages a little smile. “Man, you’re a piece of work,” Joel says warmly, and Sonny’s smile grows. “I don’t know what I did to earn a guy like you, but I’m glad I did whatever I did.”

Sonny smiles at his knocked knees and sneakers stupidly and mumbles, “Sir can I hug you please,” all in one breath.

Joel drapes one arm around Sonny’s shoulders and Sonny wraps both arms around his chest, pressing his forehead to the paw on Joel’s neck with closed eyes. Joel makes little approving noises at all his photos after that.

“Which ones did you already get?” Joel asks, and Sonny lifts the bag up without letting go of Joel’s waist. Joel reaches in and shuffles around to the inside of the tissue paper, pulling the panties out the top.

“Of course you’d get off on the ugliest pair,” Joel sighs, and rubs his fingers together over the wet spot. Sonny buries his face in Joel’s armpit, face burning- Joel doesn’t have to remind him that he gets off on being disgusting and looked down on, he knows that perfectly well without Joel having to say it.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Sonny mumbles, and Joel slips a hand into his hair and tightens it to his scalp once it’s hidden so no-one can see how it’s his hand tipping Sonny’s head back and pulling till Sonny’s breath catches before he kisses him. Sonny moans a little bit- Joel doesn’t do PDA for a lot of reasons, mostly because it creeps him out but also because he’s not exactly really officially publicly out or anything, and a kiss in public is kind of a really, really big deal.

It’s not long. Joel tugs him back by the hair and turns the camera off as Sonny steps away. He shoves it into his pocket and reaches into the back of his jeans for his wallet, handing Sonny his credit card. “All of them,” he says, and Sonny holds his hand out flat for the card and nods hard.

He shuffles back inside.
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